I just had a heated argument with my mom over the phone first thing in the morning. wonderful. we’re just your average, typical dysfunctional family, I guess. God. why am I such a fuck up? and why do I have such stubborn, egotistical parents? why, oh why? I’m 40 years old and I still can’t figure out how to have a decent conversation with my parents. lovely.
As a typical asian american growing up in the U.S., I had the notion that I could actually fit in with the rest of white america. I was what you’d call a “banana”. you know, white on the inside, yellow on the outside. also known as “twinkie”. I desperately wanted “acceptance” and even dated a “white girl” for three years as a teen.
But sadly, now that I’m older, I’ve come to the realization that I’ll always be labeled “asian-american” with an emphasis on ASIAN. It’s obvious that we as a nation aren’t color-blind and I can’t really see the day ever happening. I’m not sure if living in the “south” has tainted my view but from my experience, it feels like I’ll always have that “scarlet letter” scrawled on me. “A” for asian! I’m looked upon as “different” and will never be a part of white society. As the years pass me by, I feel even more disconnected and isolated from the community in general.
The way I see it, people simply categorize you as either “white”, “black” or “other”. No matter if I’m rich and successful, I’ll always be looked upon as an outsider. and I hate it. I hate the fact that people look at me and my family as “some foreigners”. I get the feeling the folks around here only have had limited contact with asians and quickly base their opinions about us via their dry cleaners and asian restaurant workers. I also have to blame high profile comedians like Bobby Lee and Ken Jeong for teaching middle america to laugh at short, weird looking korean people. thanks for perpetuating asian stereotypes, dudes!
I see this type of “racism” (subtle and not so subtle) every day – at work, at my kids’ schools, in my neighborhood (yes, I’ve got racist assholes for neighbors unfortunately), among parents at kids’ activities, and even out and about around town.
I sometimes wish I had those “blinders” on like I did as a teenager. Where I had some sort of faith in the world. some glimmer of hope. But with age, all I see now is the cruelty, bigotry and the prejudice in people.
I suppose this rant against white america makes me prejudiced as well. oh well. I don’t know. I’m just feeling down and had to vent.
give me some perspective here. anyone?
a child’s 8 AM game + temps in the 30′s = one grumpy soccer dad.
can you believe it? it’s already soccer season again. I thought I’d be able to sleep in on saturdays for at least a couple more weeks. come on!
harumph.
the self-absorbed assholes across the street continue to let their ugly-ass mutt run free around the cul-de-sac like it’s their own personal dog park. And as you can imagine, the dog loves to come over to growl & bark at us or take a dump on our lawn.
inconsiderate fucks.
we’ve talked to them before about not wanting their dog coming over into our yard and kindly mentioned the leash law to them. and it worked for a while but now that it’s freezing cold outside, we’ve noticed that instead going out to walk the dog like a responsible dog owner would, they’d simply push their dog out the door and allow he/she/it to crap wherever the hell he/she pleases. and you guessed it – the little shit comes over to our yard b/c their yard is simply too full of dog poop.
we confronted our neighbor again and she had the gall to just turn her back and refuse to talk to us. obviously she knows she has been irresponsible but to tell us that she’s “done” with the conversation without letting us finish just burns me up to no end.
They are SO overdue for Karma to come and kick ‘em in the face. come on, karma, where the hell are you?
OK the owner of the local Seoul Garden officially pissed me off. I’ve tended to shy away from this place in the past even though its probably the best place in town to get some korean food. The old guy that owns the restaurant has always rubbed me the wrong way. he’s got a way in making me feel like some sort of idiot just because I can’t speak the language. it’s the same reason why I don’t want to attend korean churches. All the elders treat you like you’ve got leprosy or something when you don’t speak proper korean.
anyway, I had placed a take-out order over the phone and then when I got there, I realized that he messed up my order. First he tried to make it appear that *I* was mistaken. but when he double checked what he wrote down, he muttered something under his breath basically acknowledging that he messed up. but he didn’t apologize. then he made me wait another twenty minutes for them to correct my order.
I was fuming!
I never liked the guy. and I hate the fact that I give him my business especially when he so condescending. AND NOW he’s NOT apologizing to me for fucking up my order. what an asshole. what’s the big deal anyway? Say you’re sorry and be done with it. Obviously it’s your typical “korean pride” issues.
again, when it was finally time to pay for my order, he had another opportunity to apologize to me and he DIDN’T do it. Not only that but he charged me full price for the meals. come on, you’re the owner for pete’s sake! can’t ya give a frequent customer a small discount for making him wait for your mistake???? fucker.
OK, hear me now people! I ain’t going back to his restaurant. he obviously doesn’t appreciate my business. Seoul Garden is dead to me. you hear me, DEAD.
we must have some cheap-ass in-ground sprinkler system. it seems like every year one of the solenoid valves goes bad. and the way these valves are made, when they malfunction, the valve opens up and lets water flow through. not sure about the idiot that designed the valve but it should be the other way around and NOT let water through if there’s a problem. So, you can imagine the HUGE WATER BILL that we would be responsible for if a solenoid valve goes bad while we are out of town. luckily, the three separate incidences that occurred in the past with these valves, someone was at home to notice the water running. Like today, the wife called to tell me that zone 4 (we have 6 zones total) was running. I tried to tell her where the main water shut off valve was located over the phone but I ended up driving back home from work to shut it off myself. having an in-ground sprinkler system is nice and all but I hate this un-easy feeling of not knowing when the next solenoid valve will go bad. 
It has been pretty stressful at work these last two weeks. I was handed a project at the last minute that is riddled with problems and complications. Problems that I need to figure out a way to get through pretty soon since I’m under some tight deadlines. ugh. Man, why can’t these things ever come “easy” for me? Does everything have to be difficult for me? come on!
argh, my head hurts.
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